I can hear you saying so there’s a Part IV too? Here’s the deal–as I got into this topic, it became clear this is quite complex with many layers–now onto the “why”.
While we might want to get out from under the mountain of things we have, while having all the best intentions of simplifying our lives–we continue to have too much stuff.
Consider these points from an article by Leo Babauta on a Myria self-help site:
We pack too much when we travel, and have a garage full of stuff, just in case we might need it. (fear of lack of safety and certainty)
We buy a lot of things for an upcoming event or trip because you don’t know what you might need. (fear of lack of safety and certainty)
We hold on to things you don’t use anymore because you might need it someday. (fear of lack of safety and certainty)
We keep books and other aspirational items (guitar you never learned, exercise machine we don’t use) because we hope we’ll get to them someday, and letting go seems like a loss of hope. (fear of not being good enough as we are)
We hold on to sentimental items, because we don’t want to lose the memories, or because it means a lot. (fear that the love you have now is not good enough)
We don’t want to get rid of things because we paid a lot for them, and we fear letting go would be a waste. (fear that the present moment won’t turn out OK, or again, a fear of uncertainty)
We keep a lot of clothes (or other similar items) because they’re a means of self-expression for us–and getting rid of many of them would feel like we’re limiting our self-expression. (fear that we’re not good enough as we are)
I could go on, but nearly all our possessions that aren’t absolute necessities (shelter, a bed, very minimal clothing, food, personal hygiene stuff, etc.) are bought and kept because of fears.
We want these items to comfort us, to help us cope with fears and anxieties, to help us feel prepared and more secure, to help us feel that we’ll be okay, to help us feel more certain about the future.
And of course, these items don’t actually do any of these things–we hope they will, but they never do. We never have more certainty about the future, and we continue to want more things to cope with fears that we’re not good enough. It’s a vicious cycle.
A better way to cope with fears
If we could find a different way of coping with these fears and anxieties, we wouldn’t need the stuff. We could pause before buying something out of fear, and decide not to buy it. We could finally get rid of much of the stuff we have lying around taking up space and mental energy. We could downsize, and live a simpler life.
Try this:
1. First notice that we have fear. Notice that we’re being motivated out of fear. Notice that there’s some anxiety, some worry about uncertainty or insecurity, some desire for comfort.
2. Stay with the fear. Our tendency is to run away–to try to seek comfort by buying something or eating comfort food or doing something relaxing. Stay, sit still, face the fear, breathe. Find the courage to go to the places we’re afraid of.
3. Smile at the fear. It is just a scared child inside you, nothing to run from, nothing to be upset about. It’s perfectly okay for fears to arise. Accept this fear and smile at it. This smiling dissipates much of its power.
4. Develop self love habits: Keep a journal; practice meditation and practice mirror work.
And in the end, we’ll find that we’re perfectly okay as we are, without needing to change, without needing anything to “express” who we are or improve. And that’s worth more than all the possessions in the world Warriors!
And let’s remember to be gentle with ourselves along the way.