Among all my treasures I have been truly blessed enough to gather along life’s pathways, the most treasured of all are the friendships that I have made. While leading the nomadic life in the military for over 30 years, one would make friends quickly and then hang onto those that resonated the most through the years.
This time of year, I cannot help but reflect on my special friendships and one such friendship is my friend Joel.
While I worked my way through nursing school 48 years ago (ok, don’t do the math) as a nursing assistant in the Veterans Hospital in Denver, Joel and I were assigned together on the evening shift on a busy orthopedic floor–our friendship evolved along the way. What a wonderful nursing role model he was–I learned SO much under his leadership. Much of his experience included 3 years as an Army nurse (including one year in Vietnam). In fact it was there that Joel learned the real value of friendship and comradery.
After some trust was established, Joel did openly share a secret part of his life with me–he was more attracted to men (which he had previously openly shared with his family as well)–very challenging due to his strict Baptist upbringing. Meanwhile, our friendship continued to deepen–in fact we often enjoyed playing tennis, eating out and going to Cheesman Park to look for men together. (smile–TMI?) At one point when I couldn’t afford my rent, I found the notes from the landlord stopped coming because he secretly got me caught up with my rent–what a friend!
While taking a sociology course, I opted to write a research paper on homosextuality since Joel was my first exposure to this new gay world. I wanted to better understand my friend. Since there were many Freudian theories about how or why this happens–which I chose to prove or disprove. I found a small church in the capital hill area of Denver that had a sign “Why Preach to the Gay Community” where I eventually found 10 attendees to interview (i.e. were they raised by a dominering mother or father). The bottom line–all had responses all over the map so guess I disproved it!
Through the years, Joel was conflicted about many issues including his sextuality, his strict Baptist upbringing, etc. he sought lots of therapy to better understand his journey and his family’s lack of compassion and acceptance for who he truly had become.
After successfully graduating from nursing school (yippy), we kept in touch, however, infrequently at times. But these days we enjoy connecting more frequently. Several years ago he shared that he has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and about the same time he received the diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. Since all of these health concerns have evolved he has relocated to Tacoma, WA near two of his siblings.
About 4 months ago, I received this excited call from Joel that he had had an epiphany of sorts further enlightening him about who he truly was as a homosexual–no more holding back. It’s never too late to more deeply discover one’s true self! We should all be so fortunate!
Due to the progression of his Parkinsons, he recently moved from his second-floor apartment to an assisted living facility and has his car up for sale due to challenges driving. However, on a positive note, he’s really enjoying living around the type of folks he’s cared for–he has a gift of making them smile and forcing a high five.
One day while recently talking, Joel was sharing his death arrangements and it struck James and I that we needed to visit our dear friend, since it had been a while since we had been together… and attempt to lend our support in any way possible.
What a wonderful trip it was–a huge blessing all the way around. Due to the gay deal, Joel had been hesitant to enroll with the VA system, however, much has changed since then, so we helped him get started with that enrollment process. We’ve learned that when there is a diagnosis of both diabetes and Parkinsons, it most likely was due to Agent Orange exposure–so he deserves whatever care he requires from now on–this country owes that to our good friend. We plan to make a return visit in the Spring.
Joel gifted me with a very special diamond heart necklace in appreciation of our 48 years of friendship.
So how does one sum up 48 years of friendship–it makes my soul sing with joy to know we’ll be there for each other through thick and thin–as our true selves.
Happy Holidays!