While becoming a “fierce peaceful warrior” may seem conflicting, it actually represents a strength that I find I am needing in my journey. Recently I was discussing my challenges of maintaining my wellness eating boundaries with one of my healer providers when she shared this concept of becoming a fierce peaceful warrior–I found it enlightening and empowering. Knowing I’m not alone in this deal, it’s perfect timing to share some thoughts.
I find that when I’m living alone, my food boundaries are much easier. Through time, I’ve learned how I feel best–by eliminating sugar, dairy and gluten from my plan (for now until I heal more). However, now that my husband’s fully retired and living here in Wisconsin 24/7, my boundaries are much more challenging. Since he enjoys cooking (for which I am thankful), I’m finding many of our meals include ingredients I’m wanting to avoid. And yes, we’ve spoken about it, however, old habits die hard at times.
Oh yeah, that Sherry, queen of denial, kicks in thinking that this once or this little bit won’t hurt, however, after time, once again I pay the piper eventually–my GERD (gastro-esophageal reflux disease) symptoms rear their ugly head.
My favorite definition of change is “when it’s more uncomfortable not to–that’s when change will happen”. And I am SO there! So what now?
It’s time to become that fierce peaceful warrior.
Personal Boundaries
Without healthy boundaries or with very weak boundaries, we simply cannot have healthy relationships. We give up a part of ourselves to be available or people pleasing. Or we become so entangled with another person and their needs (co-dependent behavior) that we lose our own identity. This erodes our integrity and leads to a loss of self-respect–and the respect of those around us.
At the root of personal boundary issues is fear. (Isn’t that the root of most issues?) It’s the fear we won’t be loved, that we aren’t good enough or deserving enough just as we are. When we respond to life from this point of emotional weakness, we are actually letting go of our integrity in order to salvage the crumbs of love and acceptance.
But when we establish personal boundaries, we don’t have to accept crumbs. We can get the entire loaf, a full helping of confidence and support, because we will attract people who are emotionally healthy themselves–people who respect our boundaries.
People with weak personal boundaries tend to attract controlling, disrespectful, or needy people into their lives. Or they simply train others to take advantage of them because they so willingly allow themselves to be used–we have to get tougher! And that’s where the fierce peaceful warrior comes in.
The Heart of Self-Worth–Becoming Fiercely Assertive
We don’t always get what we deserve in life; we get what we believe we deserve. So the problem isn’t our actual worth, but our perceived worth. Most of us have lost touch with our natural goodness–our courage and humanity–allowed our worth to be covered over by memories of a thousand wrongdoings, real or imagined, so that we feel only partly deserving of life’s blessings.
To define further–peaceful is complacent, violent is aggressive, but fierce is the middle ground or assertive. Being fierce is being passionate about what we believe, defending our boundaries, and getting what we need without disrespecting others. It’s standing up for ourselves without knocking down anyone else.
Responsibility
Being a peaceful warrior requires us to stand firmly in our spiritual path–bearing responsibility for staying in our truth–otherwise it’s self-sabotage.
We fiercely end self-sabotage only by taking responsibility for the choices and actions that created it. Only when we stop blaming our boss, the government, our parents, partner, children, circumstances, fate or God can we change our lives.
Taking responsibility is taking control, because it represents the power-moment when we recognize the degree to which our difficulties are self-generated–what we created, we can also change.
We must be fierce in the definition and protection of our boundaries–but peaceful in execution, taking great care to be respectful. This can be a challenging balancing act but is well worth the effort!