Welcome to June–Gay Pride Month. I do understand that not everyone is comfortable with this deal, however, in order to be healthy and to feel we have integrity, we all want to bring our genuine/whole selves to every aspect of our lives. In that sense, the battle between the rights of people of faith and the rights of LGBTQ individuals for voices in their employment, their need for social services, and for free participation to advocate for their rights–is an ongoing cry for both freedom and acceptance.
That was the battle cry of my good friend, Joel, over his years after coming out as gay, however, sadly his battle ended recently in a Tacoma, WA hospital. His sister, Ruth, shared he seemed clearly at peace when he passed which I’m SO thankful for since the majority of his life was fraught with self-doubt and counseling to find that peace and acceptance he so desperately sought as a gay man in this society.
As I have written previously–my friend of close to 50 years, Joel and I met in the Denver VA Hospital while I worked my way through my nursing degree. During those years, I learned much from his years of nursing experience and compassion. While serving in Vietnam as an Army nurse, he had significant exposure to Agent Orange as he cut contaminated uniforms off soldiers needing his care. That proved to be the ultimate price he paid with his subsequent deteriorating diagnosis of Parkinson’s and Diabetes.
His gay lifestyle kept him from applying to the VA for his benefits for quite some time even after his Parkinson’s diagnosis. He lived with the paranoia of having to unearth all of his past counseling to the government since previously, the military was not kind to LGBTQ members prior to ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ days. But thankfully, he was afforded 100% disability from the VA.
In reality, much of his anguish was about dealing with the fact that his religious family had a very difficult time accepting him for who he was when he came out to them shortly after returning from Vietnam. Even though he was raised as the son of Baptist missionary parents and not wanting to live a lie, at the time he felt like it was the right thing to do. Joel and I shared this strict religious upbringing–so I understood since I was and still am an outside-the-box spiritual gal.
In fact his family entertained getting Joel ‘fixed’ through some conversion therapy, however, Joel’s response to that was by eventually telling his sister “God didn’t make a mistake…I am who I am”. I was SO proud of his growth!
“The richness, beauty and depths of love can only be fully experienced in a climate of complete openness, honesty and vulnerability.” – Anthony Venn Brown
Anthony went on to explain: “Conversion therapy” has been a major issue for LGBTQ youth for decades. It is often used in Christian communities to encourage queer youth to use religion to combat their homosexual desires. In fact he underwent such therapy in Australia and later publicly denounced such programs. He advocated for the abolition of such programs by describing the damage that they do to LGBTQ youth who are forced to undergo them, as well as the damage that lack of acceptance can have on the entire community.
And then this recently came out: Southern Baptist Convention leaders published Thursday a list of accused abusive ministers that previous staff maintained in secret for more than a decade. And trust me–I would venture a gamble (and I’m not a gambler) that’s not the only religion other than the Catholics that have skeletons in their closets–what poor integrity and total hypocrisy!
“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. “ –Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Question–-where’s the fear coming from because typically it sure ain’t love.
What I will miss most about my friend Joel is his commitment toward self understanding and improvement, his humor, his love for classical music, tennis, the military, LGBTQ issues, fair treatment for everyone, the movement to protect democracy as we know it and our long discussions about my upcoming articles. Rest in peace my dear friend!
Warriors–let’s always be on the side of love.
Covid Humor: We’re gonna have to retire the expression “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out humans don’t do that very well.