Often, I must admit, I’ve had challenges asking for what I wanted or needed in many regards. I never wanted to be a bother, or cause anyone any trouble. Even when asked if I wanted something, or if someone could do something for me, it wouldn’t be unusual for me to shyly decline, stating, “Oh no, that’s okay”, even if deep down I really wanted to say yes. Talk about the true meaning of codependency :/
And if I found myself holding back from speaking up with friends and service providers, I became even more tongue-tied in medical situations–even being a nurse–go figure! I wouldn’t ask questions when I had them; and I didn’t seek second opinions for fear of hurting the caregiver’s feelings.
However, when it comes to our health and wellness–to me, there should be certain non-negotiables when it comes to our medical care. I found these excellent points in a Huffpost article by Joanna Montgomery (I’ve stated these to include myself as good reminders):
1. We should be able trust our healthcare provider–no debate! He or she should make we feel totally comfortable and we should never leave an appointment feeling rushed or brushed off or with unanswered questions. If this isn’t consistently the case, find someone who makes us feel comfortable.
2. If we have a concern about a health issue–a lump or bump or ache or pain or some new strange symptom, and our healthcare provider seems to blow us off and tells us not to worry about it, find someone who will truly listen to any of our concerns. Maybe it’s nothing–but maybe it’s not. Since this is the only life we have, there’s no reason we shouldn’t be sure.
3. If a certain treatment plan is recommended and doesn’t feel quite right, say so, or go get a second opinion. In fact …
4. For any serious condition, getting a second opinion may be best (and a third or even fourth, if necessary). If for nothing else–having a consensus among experts will give us peace of mind.
5. Listen to our gut. If someone or something makes us feel uncomfortable, seek help elsewhere–and definitely speak up if we feel we have been inappropriately treated. If not for ourselves, we should do it to save someone else from having a similarly bad experience.
6. If we continue to have the same problem even after following what we and our healthcare provider mutually agreed was a good treatment plan, ask about other options. Medical science is constantly evolving and improving and the best option for us two years ago might not be the best option now.
7. On the subject of options, while it’s good to stay current on developments about our particular condition or illness, be mindful about the sources of information. Local libraries may prove helpful. Message boards and random Internet searches are not the way to go. Googling is fine, but check the sources of the articles that pop up. If the piece originates from one of the top 10 hospitals in the country for your particular ailment, it’s probably safe. However, if it’s a fringy-type site with misspelled words and crazy claims–exit right on out–take with a grain of salt all information gleaned on-line and from well-meaning friends until checking with a credible source.
Bottom line: Let’s raise our hand. Ask questions. Listen to our gut. And when in doubt, check it out. We’re worth it. Wouldn’t we rather risk having someone think we ask an awful lot of questions?
I’ve never once regretted using my voice when presented with grace and dignity. But I’ve certainly regretted not using it.
Because there’s such empowerment and strength in developing this self-advocacy concept, I’m interested to know if there are those of you have a desire of joining a study/support group or educational session to learn more self-advocacy skills, please message me through Facebook or email: sjhillesheim@msn.com
This takes ongoing diligence, therefore, progress–not perfection Warriors! AND, let’s continue to be gentle with ourselves along the journey =}